Love

Why is it that the majority of us will spend our entire lives searching for love, searching for the one? How do those who have never been in love know that is what they want, what will make them happy. And sure those of us who have been in love know how amazing it can feel, but we all know too how horrible it can make us feel. how crushing and heartr breaking it can be. the sleeepless nights and the tear stained faces and the guilt and the anxiety that it brings. And isn't happiness a relative thing, why can't we focus more on being happy on our own and in our lives, doing what makes us feel complete and fulfilled, why do we have to spend it searc hing for that other someone who will make us feel those things. who says we need someone else to get us to that place, shouldn't we aim to be those things alone first and then seek out others to share it with? shouldn't our drive be to find that which makes thrive and grow and become the best us we can be before we find someone else to do that for us, or with us. wouldn't we all be happoer if we were that way when we found that other person, imagine two complete people together, 2 instead of two halves, sure that makes one but when was 1 better than 2?

and why is it we are looking for the ONE why not the other 2 or the 15, and why does it have to be a lover, why not friendships, physical and emotional separate or combined, simply things that satisfy us. isn't it more realiztic to search for those things separately rather than in one person, who really can satisfy all those things for us. and why are we searching for one thing that does it all, why not leave it open ended, our lives open to change, ebbing and flowing from decent to amazing back to liveable again. why put our all in one thing and take the risk that we could lose it all if somethign goes wrong. love between two is so fragile, it takes so little to damage it, not that it can't be repaired but won't there always be that scar, that reminder of the time it almost came crashing down around us? why not spread our happiness out in case you do fuck up and need to fix it, maybe just throw it out instead of painting over the first mistake. like bulldozing an old house instead of spending years and thousands on trying to fix what already failed once.

maybe i'm grouchy and cynical because i keep seeing it go wrong. but why can't i be. why is it its weird not to be seeking that perfect person, why is he a hermit or she an old maid if they've chosen to be on their own all along. i suppose sometimes it wasn't a choice and that is sad, if they were stuck on the endless and needless quest for the one and in the end feel as though they've failed. but what if they chose to be that way because they, like i, don't see the need for settling down, putting all our egggs in one damn basket, risking losing them all when you can spread them out, hide some in the mattress and the rest in the freezer. taking your chances that nobody will think to look both places, for your deepest secrets and your weakest moments.

don't get me wrong i don't think it's all a waste and i absolutely see the appeal in having someone to share it with but i just don't get why we as a whole think it's so strange to aim to be happy without.

i'll probably never stop looking for someone who can be all the things i need, all wrapped up in one neat little package but for now i'm going to work on reminding myself, i need to be happy alone first before i'll ever really be happy with someone else.