Brave face

I think to deal with heart break my instinct after initial outward sorrow is to work at constructing a positive outlook and image. Tell everyone you are ok. Tell them you dont regret it, that its for th best. You dwell on everything that wasnt working. But once time has really passed you get to a point where you let yourself acknoledge the loss you felt and that part of you still misses it. That a part of you wants to go back. Im ok alone but obviously for quite some time I was happy with someone else. I guess its when you feel you are strong enough to grieve it without making yourself want to try again. This time comes now... Over a year later... I dont even remember the details I loved because Ive spent these past months forgetting it,ignoring the feelings. But my heart I guess stil aches a little... Misses the state of mind of being loved. And being a part of something.

return of the ramblin blogger

havent blogged in a while, suppose I was enjoying things too much to complain... or maybe too busy to reflect. eitherway Im back. Been struggljng lately with the realization that some people. Not even mid twenties are already ready to be lazy and set in their ways. that if they know theyre going to get that pay cheque no matter how little they do...  I want to work hard because I love feeling as tho Ive accomplished something at the end of EVERY day. But I also work hard because I feel guilty if I think something is being half assed or left undone. Another reason I do my job well is because I like it. i like getting dirty and scratched and exhaustdd. i like the do the actual handson physical labour required when working with dogs. i also adore the company of these canines. they have good days and bad but theyre never snarky or lazy. they never pass up the opportunity for fun, theyre curious they try new things, new experiemces new challenges. There have really been countless times where Ive wished everyone could be more like our animals, and more like me so that they could understand my drives and we could synch up. but instead im isolated and get spread thin by the extra effort required to do the job the way i think it should be done.