I want to feel like I’m being educated. Like I’m actually
learning something on a regular basis. I see new things and I try new things
but it’s always just another version of the same, or something I don’t get to
completely understand, just treat, or assist. I don’t have teachers and I don’t
have a real classroom. 10 years ago I went for the social aspect, and because that’s
what my family did, I didn’t hate it but god it didn’t feel natural. And now I
find myself wanting to be the thoughtful and wise person my dad always asked me
to be and I’m surrounded by unused minds.
I almost don’t bother wanting to join a group or seek an
outlet because I worry I’ll only be disappointed at the depth… I would love to
be in a choir but I don’t want to be stuck singing Christian rock with a group
of people trying to prove how groovy and into God they are by singing some hymn
with a beat. And I don’t want to be singing with a bunch of old ladies who don’t
really bother… I would love to find some young people who just have talent, and
have drive to learn something new, to experiment with their voices and make
something beautiful, or awkward and different.
I don’t know that I can really say when I last had this kind
of conversation, not since I’ve been in NF. Who can I have those conversations
with, certain people I might try to show
off, or impose too much, I just want that feeling of sitting on a balcony on a
hot summer night as the sun has set and the neighbourhood is hushing, and you
toke a joint or sip your beer and in the first hour of meeting you discuss
religion and abortion, but you haven’t offended anyone, you haven’t harped on
personal experience you’re just talking about stuff. You’re discussing the
world and what’s going on without belittling it with your life, your crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment